How to Create REAL Self-Love (no BS)

How to get past the

“self love” bullshit

& step into the identity that you truly want.

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I was writing on this topic last week and I swear there was smoke coming off the page… it’s all over the place right now - social media, advertising, fashion, etc. We know it’s crucial in order to be the best employees, mothers, friends, significant others, and versions of ourselves that we can be, of course! But what so many people preach is…

“Love yourself as you are”

“Never change”

“You are perfect the way you are”

Sorry, but no.

This presents a problem for all of those who cannot simply snap their fingers in an ah-ha moment and love themselves. So HOW do you actually love yourself? No one tells you HOW… Let’s dive in.

Here are actual STEPS you can take to achieve this:

1. Identify the stories you tell yourself… about yourself

These stories are preventing you from getting what you want

Everyone has stories about themselves that they truly believe, but that may not be true:

I’m not a morning person

I have no self-control

I’m just super anxious, I can’t go to a gym

These stories evolve, and no one has truly mastered self-love to a T, myself included. The first step, however, if to call yourself out on this bullshit.

Ok, so we have a list of stories… Now what?

2. Are any of these stories valid?

Maybe yes, maybe no

This is best explained with an example.

So If I tell myself, “I’m not social,” am I really not social? Or am I just really uncomfortable with myself? Maybe you’re a social butterfly when you’re wearing an over-sized hoodie, but come summertime, you have to wear a tank top at a barbecue, so you turn inward because you’re uncomfortable and self conscious.

Therefore the story that you aren’t social is bs, and you can toss it. BUT the story that you are uncomfortable with yourself is valid. Follow me?

So now you have a list of stories remaining that all have some level of validity.

3. Prove yourself wrong

And create the version of you that you LOVE

This is also best explained using an example.

You have a story that you’re lazy, you’re not a morning person, you love sleep, etc.

But what if you start waking up every day at 6am (at first with struggle, then eventually it becomes natural)?

You’ve just proved that version of yourself wrong

And HELLL YES, it feels so good and you are so damn proud of yourself

You then start to identify as a morning person who gets up at 6am daily and sets herself before the day begins

You’re stepping into the identity that you actually want to have


One final note

No one wants to be lazy.

No one wants to be out of shape.

No one wants to lack self control.

No one wants to feel crazy.

EMBRACE what you actually want.

When you start to prove yourself wrong

When you start to ACTUALLY do the things you WANT to do

When you act on all of this (over and over, every day)

THAT is how you start loving yourself

Right now… Choose your ideal identity

a kickass athlete, a badass mom, a CEO of your dream company, etc.

Then take small steps every day to step into that identity

Thanks for reading, girlfriend.

I hope this empowers you!!!